Wednesday, May 12, 2004 @2:03 PM
I've been studying and studying...i did not want to think of unhappy thoughts or jump to conclusions.I wish i had short term memory like drew berrymore so i wld forget the past.even if i remembered it it wouldnt hurt me so much.
Anyway i promised myself to write only happy things in this journal.i do not want to flip back and remember the sad stuff i want to remember happy things...hvnt done much just met a new guy but worried hes like joanne i just simply hate insecurities.Nth is official.I think when we settle dwn or some sort i wld bring him to show my friends.But i cant get thru my psycological barrier his 7 years older then me i'm alws like i'll nv go with a guy who is older than me more then4 years and now see what happs.Actually i'm not even sure whether i really like him and my lung infection might recur.i really do not want to drag anyone dwn i mean after i tried so hard to get rid of russ now.Then after him was raoul finally got thru my thots and find out hes a betrayaln now come **** haha shall not reveal yet.
Actually this diesease is a blessings i disguise.At least now i noe what i'm looking for and that the break up was all good though i noe how badly i still can't stand him and miss him i wldn't do it,unless i really see a change i might consider.And whereas if i didnt had this diesease i wld hv just headed for raoul that son of a bitch i saw him with a girl on the sofa making out bastard!well , at least i went all out to do what i want but hey guess what i met someone...but i dunnoe whether its like or false attachment but hes so sweet tat day it was pouring like mad and i was all drenched then when i went there he got me a new set of clothes they did not match very wellbut yar so sweet