Monday, May 29, 2006 @10:28 PM
I have failed my Fy exams but losing karen in my life feels worse.I blame myself for being rash,for being demanding and ungrateful.I have never slept in peace since i knew i made a rash decision.
I shldn't have blamed you for not understanding me when i hvn't been allowing you to be in my life.I shldn't have scolded you on your blog when your actions were out of concern for me.I blame myself for not understanding the person you are.
That day at nick's gig at Zombie.I wanted to run up to you and gave you a hug ,intoduce you to my friend.I couldn't,I couldn't even open my mouth and say i'm sorry,Cause i was ashamed,I deserve your grudge against me i dare not ask for forgiveness.I wanted to stand on the dance floor so we could enjoy the performance.
I just want to let you know how important you were in my life.Without you i might not be where i am ,Cause i'll never learn to stand up for myself,get the courage to pursue my dreams if i didn't know that you and char will be behind me if i fall.
I wished i could be there for you but life changes ,people too ,to survive.But unlike my exam i can retake but losing you is like losing a part of my life and memories and not able to retrieve it back.I pray to god that you'll see this entry.I dare not ask for you to forgive or understand but i wish tat you'll know.
When i met char the other day,I was in joy cause i hvn't met my friends in months.However the look on her face i saw anger.Frustrated cuz this friend of hers had not been around.Maybe i'm being sensative,she did look tired.I just want to let you guys know i really missed you guys ai really want to be there when you need me.However due to the path of life i chose i'm unable to,I no longer have the freedom the live a free life wiothout fulfiiling my commitments.SORRY............