Tuesday, January 05, 2010 @1:50 AM
New Year! New Blog!http://intheshoesofadeline.wordpress.com/
Wednesday, December 09, 2009 @3:40 PM
God I pray for courage!!
Monday, December 07, 2009 @12:21 AM
I really thank god that I have such good people about me. Although I never really had people to depend on meaning my parents or family. However I always had good friends. Everytime, my friendship would end in ugliness, but they do come back. I thank god once again for friends. If not i would never be who i am now. :)
Monday, November 30, 2009 @12:36 PM
I really hope its not me. I cross my fingers pray to god that that person she is talking about is not me. I really do not know what i did. Why are u suddenly repelling me. WHy are you not talking to me. Scream! tell me what your thinking. Resolve it now. Stop talking about me behind my back because i can hear everything. SCREAM at me straight in my face, at least that way I know you want to resolve things. Not saying it just means you do not ever want to be related and it is making me feel like an outcast. I hate you for making my life miserable! I hate myself for being not likeable..........
Thursday, November 19, 2009 @11:33 PM
I really hate myself. I feel like i do not even know how to be a nice person. I cannot even be honest with my friends. I have so many things in life to hide. I keep wanting people not to hate me, not wanting to offend people i end up doing it. I really hate living. My life is so constipated. I hated living since my nightmare started at 10. I'm such an insecure person. Nowadays I am going to talk less, say less and comment less. I know you people hate me, you don't need to pretend because I am feeling it.
Monday, September 14, 2009 @2:54 AM
Today I was trying to choreograph the duet, previously i was trying to choreograph this group piece. I never used to be the best in class or in anything. I dated nd fallen out of love. I want to wait but then I never knew what I was waiting for.
Is quite sad actually. At 22years old turning 23 in another half a year, I realise I do not know who or what I want to be. What kind of image do I want, what do i want people to think of me. That is a problem. I'm messy but I do not like people commenting on my messiness. I await an answer from a guy I like and then at the same time I want to give myself choices. A lot of times I try to explain myself I cut myself short because I suddenly realise I do not know what I am talking about. I am constantly feeling the sense of loss.
I always have this great plans, great ideas but they never seem to pull through. And thats why I think I am facing problems choreographing, choosing paths in life and finding an identity. When I choreograph I have an idea, then inspirations comes and i end up with a lot of ideas in one story. Its almost like if I write a story I would want the girl to die, then maybe to add drama i give her a bit of sickness, to add even more I have 10 people surrounding her, to add more I make her cough blood and die with a lot of spasms before. Then I lose my main focus of the story.
I also realise that i do a lor of things now and before because people says i am good at it. Like dancing was one of it, I did ballet when i was young I danced ballet then at 13 i stopped ballet totally because I felt I was no good a dancer but I had potential in gym. There after to distract myself from depression I took up dance again. I felt that I was good and people said i had potential so I studied dance, since i was not good at studying. Now I am giving a shot at choreography because some friends tells me that I might had potential. I know I am not good at choreograhping, teaching or dancing. So why do I dance. Because others think i should?
So my question now is who do I want to be? What do I want in live? What kind of acheivement? I'm sick and tired of wanting the best of both worlds because i never know what i want. I'm tired of always confusing myself with all this ideas. To be a better person and better dancer and choreographer I need to know who and what i want to be.
P.S All this thoughts from watching Runaway Bride!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 @1:33 AM
I'm like stuck on the spot and I dunnoe where to go. Stupid SDT never reply to my email, i don't even get an audition date! I asked for the status of my resume and i do not get a reply! What do I do now?! Stuck until something happens
Church is the same for me. I'm catholic, now i am attending a christian church. Afraid to change because of issues like grandparents, and I feel like I should go back to help the church. Love to stay at christian church because it is helping me more in my personal growth. So where do I go, again Stuck!! Haiz....
I really want to dance ballet but there are so little options should i really consider going overseas... is there hope?