My gosh i am dying i dun even have time to eat.I will disappear into the air soon.I have to take all the classes there is available.My god with no form of rest!Seriously i dun think i'm gonna make it.I swear its really wearing me out.My brain switches off after every 10secs.I tell my legs to do this but it does another,my hands does something else too.My gosh i dun think i'll make it .I hope i can
Ps:Please just give me rest from dance.I'm so sick of tired losing things more then i'm gaining
Yeah! I got the scholarship!
I really thought i wouldn't make it.Brain farting the whole day.Can't remember my steps ,got striked out once.stood there n stared at myself during the auditon i still made it.haha.I must thank russ haha i owe u.
However tat means i'll not appear in the church for a year so when u guys free must call me out k.I cant meet u guys in church anymore i have training at 10am on sunday.Its going to be a long and exhausting journey.Pray that i'll make it through.Ar!
so excited yet worried.
This whole rain thing is driving me nuts.I'm feeling vain but i have to dress to weather.When i wear something nice,i walk out on the street and come back as if i went for a swim.
Not only physically,mentally too.I feel sleepy,i feel nua,I feel distracted and i feel alone...how sad...
I hv to dance nearle 12hrs a day wake up and dance almst 24/7...I'm really exhausted,i want to go back to the good old days where i can spend time with my 2 best fiends and the guys,go to church everyday.Treat it like a 2nd home.Atmosphere ther is warm n cosy...secure.I turn about and i have a whole bunch of friends to help me if i need the uncles and aunties offering their help to the youths.I really missed those days.
But i can't turn back i have a dream to pursue.If this fails i have no future unlike my other friends they can get a cert get a job that pays them like mad or maybe not.I won't be paid as high as them,unless i'm the best.In the world.I have to take care of my own injuries go on a healthy diet.I turn about and everybody can't wait till i break something my heart my passion.I have to depend on myself.I wish u guys could be there and we could have fun instead of sarcastic remarks made by ppl.My leg hurts but my heart hurts more...cause ppl won't understand how much i'm putting myself thru all this shits ppl give me.
I can't stand it i just want to run up to u and get a hug but i'm afraid to tell,afraid to show.Please tell me wat u think.
i was thinking today what is my kind of guy a lot of ppl have been asking me haha.
Hmm.....
1.Ok looking
2.Don't need a fantastic body but not too skinny or fat .Tone but not muscular (Fussy)
3.Not Bi preferbly ( its quite scary)
4.Patient
5.Honest
6.Caring (doesnt mean he loves u he'll be caring:rebut to douglas)
7.Fun loving
8.Have a direction in life
9.Hopefully he'll be rich cause i'll be poor ,dancer what
10.Understanding ( cause i'm very demanding)
11.dancer (their mostly gay !)
12.If he's not a dancer he still must learn how to someone who knows how to appreciate my lifestyle)
Met a lot of ppl salsaing...haha..came to LADC today.Kinda proud and impress cause that means me n alison left an impression one them a major want big enuff to draw to see our background.I'm very confused today this mixed feelings keep running thru my whole body its just weird i dunnoe wat to do when i know i'm afraid to say it.hmmm...weird.
I missed the open house today.i was so tired and sick.I really wanted to go but just couldn't 'm so sorry guys...I wonder how it is now..........
* CONFUSED *
omg! i'm aching all over my gosh...i can't take steps bigger then 1 15cm long ruler or else i can feel the pull in my calves.Can't lift it any higher then 20 degrees my hemstrings hurts gosh.my upper body hurts but not as bad.I remember the first day i was holding my leg at 90 degrees and it was trembling like an earthquake-muscle spasms.I can pull thru this.I have to go to school on my own tomorrow better sleep earlier.
Alison quit school today shes going to follow her dreams.I wish her "may ur dreams come true" hope she makes it to musical but dun worry gal i'll be waiting for u in dance if u fail choy...touch wood....so excited and worried for her.It's a physical n metal torment to follow ur dreams.
Why? If u dun like what ur studying and ur not doing well u can blame it on ur not intrested.U give urself reasons to skip school.But dream followers can't.If u really want to do this so badly u shld succeed.If u want to succeed u can't be lazy u have to overcome all this obstacles on ur own!sad huh...sacrifice scrifice....haha
I have been spending time at the studio like crazily.I sleep i eat and dance there.
well anyway i decided to post some pictures haha.
*i realise i'm getting quite naggy lol.
Hope Street Reconstructed
Soul dancer the beggining piece
Mr. shoosh
L-train
post party me and alison posing ard
crew
marcys feeling shy running away from alisons eye camera
yes!its over
Before the party starts!
Andy got an eye infection LOL.pretends to be a pimp
A bit gone by now
nearly gone
Daph and yarra posing as sluts lol
I miss u guys can't wait to see u guys again
After all the excitement .Sch sucks.Not because of sch actually,its what i did.ARH!First i was lost in class cant gt my step,in ballt i laughed and toked for no reason.worst of all I lost contact with my core.gosh!I need to work harder .
1. Core Muscles
2. Ground plie
3. Perfect every excercise
4. Concentrate breathe
5. Go early to sch condition and warm up
6. Go jogging every saturday with mini
Feelings:
Classmates some got a bit plummer darker prettier.Well all the same people fun.However this sem's schedule is super hectic.i end school earliest 4pm latest 8pm.Cryz.But heard of plans made for our class is fantastic.We perform every once a month .First month were learning classical ballet piece -swan lake gosh very nice but of course as foundation students we do the simple parts haha its fast cuz the steps are big movements and co-ordinations but we'll get thru it.Guess what dear Zack got a solo the only guy in our class haha were waiting to see when he'll turn gay lol!He doesn't have strong background.So i'm a bit worried a person with basic background is going to do advance movements double turn jumo,5 turns consecutively and high jumps and beats.my gosh its really short but super diff.I hope h can do it.so exciting! looks like this year is filled with surprises........
For the past two weeks i have been partying like crazy gosh.After the show i feel so free,I do not have to rush for dance get my neccesities,wrk.Nothing,totally free.Went to malaysia with alison madness i tell u.Came did more shopping for christmas but this year's shopping was quick quick quick.I didnt even have time to wrap.haha.
But this 2 weeks i have spent time at a dear friends place(douglas's).Many things happened i got kicked out of th house.Why?Cause my dad found out i was schooling at Lasalle.He was so mad cause nobody told him i was enrolled to get a dance diploma he tot i was getting a business diploma.I know his worries,how is she going to earn? what can she do after with a dance diploma? U noe what i'm not sure too at least i know tat i still want to do this.Do I?I was really sick and tired after doing the show?Didnt feel like dancing it was was too tiring i just want to rest.Now ,i cant wait for school to start.
Thanks to douglas i had a place to spend.I was like living a dream i felt like me and alison had our place haha at times only?however it was emotionally exhilarating,haa.Hes nice but wrong.everything happened like a dream, a de ja vour.And it all ended when i woke up this morning.I will detach myself from guys i know its hard.Cause which girl in the world doesn't want to find a guy she can depend on when she falls.But i will ,This year i will try to be a better and more responsible person for my own dreams.If a person wants to be really passionate for something she has to give up love cause my heart has only enough space to fit my dreams.I could fit a guy but it would be squeezy...I may not be a very hardworking person.But i noe i'm determined i can do it.This year will be even more difficult then 2005.2005 was physically and emotionally exasperating alr.
Things i would try to acheive:
1. Top the class in ballet exam (i;m only 2,3 marks below i can do this if i concentrate)
@.Try to attain lionel Scholarship
3. If i fail to attain scholarship i would try to attain a place in a contemp company
4.If all else fails i would cont taking up other classes
etc,etc,etc..............
OH today i packed my whole room biggest acheivement ever its fucking empty.Bad news i'm only 1/4 done after packing for 2 whole days how sad :(..But i will do it !! woo hoo!!
Good luck everyone else!